I may be a fast learner, but it took me far too many years to see my error in pursuing degrees in computer and electrical engineering. Finally realizing that I was not truly pursuing my passions, I became terribly unhappy. But what exactly are my passions? Fate and upbringing made me a student of many different disciplines, which has made finding my “narrow and crooked” path frustrating at best, and too often deposited me aimless at the crossroads.
And so, I’ve begun to realize that I am a fundamentally restless wanderer. Not always in a physical sense, but also intellectually, philosophically. For several years I held a lead technical support position at a local organization and consulted for several others, but there’s no longer any joy in it for me. In fact, my relationship with technology seems to grow increasingly weary with the passing days.
Quite separated from the maelstrom of endless technology and Pavlovian bells and whistles, I am convinced of a great healing power in nature for those who would open themselves to it. At a time in my life when it felt as though I was losing everything, two days alone in a silent, foggy woods restored my soul. And so, nature has become my true sanctum sanctorum. My place to heal and reflect. In those times of reflection and silence, I’ve at last started to envision my “gap in the paling.”
Through all that has happened in my life, I am becoming ever more certain that pursuing a vastly simpler life among nature and at peace, but still able to bring some beauty into the world with my music and photography, will be that forked path in which I can “walk with love and reverence.”