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Vox Clamantis In Deserto

[quote style=”4″ author=”-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead“]He was addressing everyone. He was addressing no one. He felt no answer, not even the echo of his own words striking against the membrane of an eardrum. His words were falling down a well, hitting stone salients on their way, and each salient refused to stop them, threw them farther, tossed them from one another, sent them to seek a bottom that did not exist.[/quote]

My friends, today I offer you an apology. I have become one of the very people from whom I myself turn away. I recently realized that I now post or comment on little except items related to politics. No sane person wishes to be bombarded with endless proselytizing, especially not from someone who is still finding his way in the world. Were I on your end, I would likely have turned myself off by now, just as I have done with others for the same reasons. I hope you will permit me an explanation and a promise for the future.

Over the past few years I have found my philosophy dramatically changed, leaving little of the naïve character of my high school days. In some ways, this revolution came so smoothly as to go unrecognized even by myself, while other aspects were forced into change by conflict. In the end, though, what I found was that my guiding principles and beliefs were now largely at odds with nearly every person I knew. I was uncomfortable. I was afraid. Had I come to the right conclusions? Could I be following yet another dead-end path, just as before? Despite my fear, all of my reason and all of my heart reassured me—and continue to—that this was the way. Indeed, I had found a peace I had never known before, a confidence and a sure foundation necessary for building a life.

But, as always, there’s a second side. As I said, the core of my philosophy was now in near constant conflict with those around me and even more so with a large portion of our society. Undoubtedly to the despair of some, I have also become increasingly vocal since my days as an acquiescent schoolboy. In the realm of politics this characteristic fits well, as long as you’re one who somehow still sees a two-sided coin. In this tunneled setup all you have to do is argue back and forth with the other side. I am not one of those people. I can only see a coin with two heads, each spouting with forked tongue it’s own take on the same evil. With every discussion I must enter the fray with sword and shield, battling one misguided side while I fend off the other. Now, in the wake of recent events and a tyranny that seems to neither acknowledge any bounds nor owe allegiance to any oath, I grow tired.

I’m furious, I’m bitter, and I’m weary. The joy and hope I found in my new worldview that took over my old life has been usurped by a deep cynicism and anger. As the siren draws the sailor, I can’t rest for hearing or reading something that enrages me to comment or argue. And as with the sailor, I foresee my doom by the hand of this siren if I am unable to change my course.

There is certainly just cause for my anger: I’m forced to stand by and watch as my liberty and my future are obliterated by the very system intended to protect them. How can I possibly stand by in silence? But there was a time not long ago when I reveled in the works of Thoreau and the like, dreaming of hiking part of the Appalachian Trail, to “live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived.” Today I find myself in constant conflict, unable to simply live. I’m hoarse from yelling at insufferable, ignorant “news” reporters. My keyboard is worn from diatribes against politicians and their moral bankruptcy. I want to return to dreaming again, and just enjoy life.

You’re not fortunate enough for me to go completely dark on politics, though. Particularly egregious items will still draw my venom, but I sincerely hope they will be few and far between (honestly, I’m not holding my breath on that one, though). I want to return to sharing the things I love: music, photos, technology, etc.

I hope you will continue with me in this renewed direction and maybe even help keep me accountable. Thank you, truly, for sticking with me these past months. I hope I may once again earn your friendship and your loyalty.

Google+

Hello all! You may have noticed that I haven’t been posting here often. Thanks to time constraints and for convenience I’ve been posting almost exclusively to Google+. I still try to post big items here, but for more frequent updates I invite you to find and circle me on Google+.